i'm a timer.....

...ya, a bomb timer...having said that, i'm controlling it well up to now, i guess. And hope i can overcome it soon or later. either let it explode or cut the correct wire off and stop the timer from ticking in my head. but as for now, i've yet to decide. the clock is still ticking and the time is there or i'm searching for the wire, green, red, yellow to cut. cut it and blow or cut it and off.

metaphorically speaking of course...but this is the state i'm in now.

sad to say, sad to feel this way, and on top of that it's a monday. guess just it's the blue-est of all. *sigh*
i hate the feeling i'm feeling right now. it makes me feel the whole thing is so wrong.

*tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick................*

10 mum random *nags*

1) very busy? still very busy? why so busy? can manage not your work?
2) shower already? why haven't shower? why so late?
3) where r u? not at home? why not at home?
4) why didn't pick up the phone? busy ah? still outside? not yet home? aiyooo..what time lor.....
5) what u going to eat for ur breakfast? lunch leh? dinner leh? hah? haven't think of wat to eat? aiyo.....mummy today cook...... (there goes her menu....and only make my saliva drip and drip and drip)
6) busy? going back soon? why still in office? faster go back liao lor, dark dark liao leh.
7) buy again? aiyo.....brother already a lot of baju, no need buy liao. mummy no need...daddy also no need. girl, dun buy liao. dun buy liao.
8) M size? no needlah, girl. how much? aiyo.....no need buy la. waste money nia.
9) airasia freeseats? free also need to pay wat. dun wan la....u come back la....mi di dun wan go la. u come back la.
10) dun wan sleep yet? watch TV? can sleep early, sleeplah. dun watch TV lar.

the roses i can't keep

took this pic a few weeks ago before i throw away all the dry roses i received during my convo. had to throw - 1) ppl say not good to keep dry/ dead flowers worrr.. 2) this time,...hai...initially i wan to keep ALL the roses BUT i was too occuppied and too busy with my schedule, i just left the flowers as it and the water soaked deep into the branch and all my roses 'say koh'...berkulatlah....so, i had to....i had to throw it all away. but before i did tat, luckily i managed to take pics of it as for memory.

so, that's about it lar.... :(

yeah, walked through Terry Fox Run. . .

2nd Nov, determined to go for the run and i made it there, though a bit late and San have to help me to buy the shirt coz 'kiasu'...takut habis mah, takut no saiz liao mah. so, instead of having to park the car with other cars lining up in front of us, we were directed to go into the park's carpark (hmmm...make sense) and then very very very very very lucky still have some parking there. so, though a bit late, still can reach there around 8.35am. :D what a relief...
finally met San there...happily passed me the shirts and take photos there. it's really really really crowded lar especially at the starting point. the host, Yasmin Yusof, well..it's been quite a while haven't heard from her (since zaman Patrick Teo). ppl come with kids, baby strollers, and doggie...and bicycle, roller blade,.....so many so many so many of them are first timer....hehehe..so glad made it there lar. warm up a bit with a songs and there we gooooo.....can't run lah, can run slow but no point lah....later very 'chuan' neh..and even walking already i sweating like mad....maybe due to the weatherlah.
after walk walk walk, got water to drink somemore...hahahah..then continue to walk again. after walking for sometimes and thot it's going to finish, mana tau still got a big round around the lake before making it to the finishing line. too bad mr.dd feet got blistered due to the shoes lah...so, we use 'short cut'...ahhahaah...excuse ah, no no no...it's really no excuse...he really pain liao mah...so, we walk across a small bridge and and...and....tadah...reached the finishing line. Heheehehe.....hehehe...
afterthat, we eat the bread that i prepared last nite to ease our stomach first before heading home. stay at the children playground there for awhile and noticed a lot a lot of funny exercise equipments there...really interesting but if only i have anymore energy to go and check it out. :P

what a great and meaningful sunday..... :)
will do it again next year!!!!

After a long walk.....maybe it's time to take a rest.

ya, we definitely, without any doubts, will miss u......
a gift i got for her. hope she really like it.

so, she decided to go, decided it has come to an end, decided that's the best for her. she said to me, "everything happens for a reason." somehow i think only she can understand what's that really mean. literally speaking, i know what it means but to understand the meaning of it explicitly, i think someone need to go through it only to make them understand this statement.

her last day was yesterday - 11th Nov 2008. just thinking about her leave, i start to sob already. i tot i can't face her and smiling back at her yesterday but advice from herself to me, "just be tough"....and i manage to get thru yesterday bravely and toughly with a warm hug to her and wish her all the best. "thank you" is all i can say to her and i know it can never be enough for what she have taught me all these years. the guidance, the teaching, the advice....she has taught me well....

in one of our emails:
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a: Mai ah neh sad la…
m: Stop already….now start again….U not goodlah...
a: In order to be good, sometimes hv to be bad… but then, bad for myself oni lar.. But one thing I’m proud of, is that I know I have trained you well…
Mai ah neh ler… must be more liddis *smiley face*
m: Kenotlah…….. type also mata berair liao….how to come to work tomorrow???????????
a: Can wan… just need to be tough… we’re just an email/chat away la… after this, u’ll see me ‘green green’ on gmail liao.. hopefully..
m: Need to be tough? I kenotlor. Cham neh……I know we’re just an email/ chat away….it will just feel different without you here. Gonna miss your smiles a lot…
a: U mean u gonna miss my gila-gila laugh la… Don’t worry.. be happy…OK la, sad half day enuff, ok??
m: Ur laugh, ur smiles, ur loceng on ur leg (hehehe), ur way of panggil us, ur cup,…..a lot of u….I know must support ur decision and be happy for u coz you’re happier now than then, but still….. kenot make myself to be happy when I thinking of ur leaving. HAI…..Can I bargain….few days la….half day mana cukup....
a:Liddat ah… ok la… but dun sad so long, yeah? I also sad… but………………..Me happier now? Mmmm… not really also.. cos a lot of things not confirmed in my life… but it was a decision that I hv already made, so I hv to stick to it and strive thru…
m: Please be happy. I wan u to be happy. I wish u happy. Ok?
a: Thanks Mon… I also want you to be happy, ok?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

all the best, the very best, the very very very best to u.....
i really appreciate what u've done for me and thank you for always believe in me.
thank you.

Finally - Fergie

So, this is my 4th post. Heheh..just wanna share about the song i was crazy (still crazying) for a couple of days already.
Finally - by Fergie.

And one of my friend actually listen to it and asked me..."Do you feel this song is so much about u?" Hahahaha.... :)
She knew me so well neh......

Well...the lyric kinda nice too.

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
Make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend
As I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through unopen doors that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
Put on another face
Was lost in my own space

Found what it's like to hurt selfishly
I was scared to give up me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

I Finally got out of my own way
I Finally started living for today
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally yea...

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something beautiful is happening,is happening

Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhhh!!

Finally, Finally...Finally....

Really a nice song. Reminds me of a lot a lot a lot of ME! :)